The pain was the first thing, my stomach, my testicles, my anus, my legs,even my neck and jaw all screamed at once. I had breasts. I had longhair. I smelled awful, a mix of cum, piss, shit, and sweat. I was on mybed, but wearing high heels, a mini skirt, and a girls top.As awareness and memory after memory came crashing in, things went frombad to horrible. I remembered the start of the evening. I rememberedAngel and Muscles. I remembered lots of terrible stuff from the RamrodClub. I remembered Henry and Mike and the ride home. I remembered thepolice. I remembered the shame and humiliation and pain. The worstthough, was the memory of the feeling that stirred within me when Miketook me slowly, like making love to a woman, and how right it felt. Then,I remembered the things Muscles said to me. The fear began to set in.They knew me. They have all my information. They know where I live, whereI work, who I know, everything. They made dire promises: they said mylife as a man was over, they. Back to that day twelve years ago when I had escorted Mary Murphy and her mother Betty back from the cemetery after burying her husband, her son of ten and her daughter of thirteen. All three incinerated in a car crash. The only way they were able to identify them was by DNA and dental records.After the wake I sat on the sofa with both these women sobbing their hearts out on my shoulders. Betty, the mother who lived with Mary and her family, soon left to lie on her bed leaving the pair of us alone.I sat for hours holding Mary as she wrecked her body in tears. It was wintertime and soon it was bitter cold even within the house. I picked Mary up and carried her to her bedroom and laid her fully clothed on the top and pulled the quilt over her. But she reached up and pulled me down to her."Please stay with me, I don't want to be alone tonight, hug me please."Now I am a nineteen year old and being asked to lie with a thirty-six-year old woman in her prime was something one never.
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